It was a Friday night, and she was on her fourth beer.
As a spiritual being, the one thing she could never give up
was her escape.
Beer always took her away.
Away from all that she hated.
All that she couldn't stand to be around.
All that she couldn't change yet also couldn't accept.
Depending on what was going on in her life and what she was pushing to the side,
determined how much beer it took to erase it all.
But it never really erased it.
It just made her numb to the feelings that each event wanted to bring up.
Why were these events even coming up though?
She didn't understand it.
Why couldn't she just live life like everyone else.
Making the money, paying the bills, and then living happily ever after?
Why did she have to be so fricking sensitive?
So closed down?
So fearful?
Why did she have to Trigger people?
Why couldn't she just be Miss Suzy frickin' Sunshine?
Okay, so yes, she realized that eventually when two beers couldn't cut it,
let alone three...
It was time to dump it all out and about.
Cuz, As a spiritual prisoner,
oops, person..
She knew that to deal with life as it came was a necessity.
Otherwise, there was definitely HUGE Side effects that would
surface in order to stop her dead in her tracks!
She knew her soul sister was putting a huge toll on her because of her decision to allow her kindness to dawn upon her life.
Most people could just over look it all.
But she was a different kind of stupid.
And then there was the returning ex.
She knew he was bad news.
All the way.
And so she tried to ignore him the best she could.
But with her situation already going the way it did,
it was hard to avoid one destructive situation after another.
Then her mother chimed in.
And from there it all went rolling downhill after the full moon in Capricorn.
Capricorn was the sign of rules, regulations and responsibilities.
Capricorn had her head spinning though!
Why?
Maybe because it was always about what she had thought was right...
Yet, never was it about what she believed to be right for her.
And so today she was determined to do it.
After four beers later of course.
She was going to stand up.
Barely.
And make herself known.
This is who she was.
She wasn't going anywhere, and she wasn't changing for anyone.
This was her.
Or was it?
She realized that all she kept seeing was her joys in Virginia.
She knew she belonged there.
And she made a pact within herself that one day...
When she could get it together again...
She would go.
And that's all she needed to know for now.
Nothing else.
