The Road Back Down and Out

 Knowing the things she knew, wasn't the greatest feeling she thought..

But she definitely didn't want to ditch it, No matter how painful it was.

She wasn't a quitter.  

At least not of the things that she felt passionate about.

And this was definitely something that burned inside of her

 ever since day one. 

She may have put it on the back burner,

And forgot to stir it, but she never threw it out.

She knew that she needed something to return to 

especially when all else had failed for her exactly as it had done. 

Living her life on someone else's terms, never really worked in her favor. 

No matter how hard she tried to do things 'right'. 

The way everyone else had done it. 

Things never seemed to pan out for her. 

And she didn't understand why.

She thought there was something terribly wrong with her. 

That she was a born failure. 

But she didn't feel like a failure... 

Only a Follower... 

But that didn't really satisfy her either.

For she knew she didn't come to this earth to be a sheep.

But she wasn't a wolf either. 

And that's when she learned that there was another road. 

A bigger road. 

With tons of different animals to choose from. 

Which one was she? 

The possibilities were endless! 

But of course in order to match 

an animal to who she really was... 

She had to attract it with the law of nature. 

And the law of Nature spoke to her quite clearly and quite often!  

Which actually told her that, perhaps... Maybe... Just maybe... 

She was something more then an animal that the patriarchy kept trying to 

feed the people to believe is all they would measure up to be. 

She knew she was something more.

And she was about to find out how much more! 

Crayons and a helmet cuz I Run with Scissors

 Her Life had changed quicker then a transformer back in the late eighties,

but she wasn't really surprised or shocked. 

She knew something wasn't right from the get go.. 

It was all just hanging on by a thin thread and finally she had decided to stop waiting for it to break on it's own. 

So she made the cut. 

And she was now on a different road. 

It was totally unknown, but it held her excitement. 

Like a child who experiences a rollercoaster for the first time ever. 

She knew she was about to get the ride of her life. 

She was open to 

New possibilities.

New twists.

New turns.

And even when things didn't go up, but instead down... 

She knew it was all just a part of the ride.

And so there she was.. 

Reading a new book she had gotten as a gift from her sweet soul sister.

This book was opening her up to the very things she had questioned

for so long, but was just too afraid to ask.

It was funny to her that back in the 2nd grade, she had failed reading comprehension.

Yet, here she was today reading a book that explained the very reasons why. 

And how all that time, she was left to believe that she was slower then others

when really it was actually a gift she possessed. 

So she finally put it all together. 

Sometimes, when things seem off... cuz they don't match the status quo...

Really doesn't mean anything other then the mere fact that 

there really issn't a status quo... just something called Comparison and 

trying to make everyone the same as one idea.

However, the real truth rested in the fact that everyone was born with a special gift.

And to use it to the best of their advantage was the ultimate soul purpose. 

And so she began to expand on hers from that day forward.

Getting more and more excited with more and more energy then she had ever experienced 

before. 

A two way Street with a fork in the Road...

 "Stay inside the lines", said the teacher. 

As if there was actually a correct way to color and be artistic. 

This was one of the first rules that ever struck her with a negative feeling. 

Being so young it was hard for her to make sense of feelings and separate them from emotions. 

What really were they? 

Especially since she couldn't really see them with her own human eyes..

But she always knew she felt something.

Somehow though,

 Life never gave her the chance to understand what she was feeling,

or dealing with, since there was always something else more important to focus on.

Teachers had demands and expectations.

Then when she got home, the parentals had their own agendas to deal with.

Everyone was always too busy to ever really sit down with her and empathize... 

So life continued forth for her,

 unexplained.

Clumping together more and more.. 

Until she developed health issues such as anxiety and depression.

Which also lead her to an Ego being born in order to shut out 

all that she never understood, yet feared cuz it was all unknown. 

Until one day.. 

Years and years later.

Fall after fall.

Destruction after destruction...

Repeating a karmic loop for so long that life had completely lost it's luster to her... 

Yet, hitting that dead end was inevitable... 

And honestly, she wasn't satisfied with death, especially since she still had a ton of unanswered questions. 

And so she began a new journey.

To actually color outside the lines! 

To find answers, even in the scariest of places...

In her own shadows. 

It was time to go back home to the inner child locked within and reconnect. 

To find out what she never got the chance to because everyone was too busy. 

But now, she had the tools to face this unknown head on. 

And the first step for her was to accept all that she knew she felt. 

Even those that she wasn't too comfortable facing. 

Opening up was scary... 

But it was now or never. 

And never was already asking her to come, but she said no.  

NOW is all she had and Now was the perfect time to begin to unpack all that she held within her to see where it would take her next...